Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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