Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize