True but thats because hes a fetus.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize