just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
