Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
