just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize