did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
