Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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