I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
