His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
