I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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