your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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