nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
