I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
