Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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