She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
