Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sober January is a disaster.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
