I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
