Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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