She's JV to your varsity
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
operation harelip BJ is a go
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
