spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
