yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
