when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
