This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
