I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
