i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
