I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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