I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
