i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
