wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
