Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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