Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
