Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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