I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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