You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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