just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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