guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
