i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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