What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
