I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize