someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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