It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
