I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
