whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize