Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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