My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
