Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize