needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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