my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
