She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
