I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
