i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
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