I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
