We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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