lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize