yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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