Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
