you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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