I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
