So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
