New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
