i need an iv and a liver transplant
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
