You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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