they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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