we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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