Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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