I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
