My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
