i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
