hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
